


The Big Blue Box Problem

by Castiron



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Peg + Cat (TV)
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:48:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22761223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiron/pseuds/Castiron
Summary: Peg, Cat, and Richard go looking for their lost blocks and meet a man in a big blue box. Then there's a Really Big Problem.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 10





	The Big Blue Box Problem

[While Peg and Cat sing the theme song, a figure in a blue cloak and hood tiptoes through the background and sneaks something under Peg's hat; Peg doesn't notice.]

[Scene: The front yard of Peg's house. Peg, Cat, and Richard are in the front yard of Peg's house playing with blocks.]

PEG: Hi! I'm Peg, and this is my friend Cat. Today, our friend Richard is visiting us from the Purple Planet to play....  
CAT (adding block to a stack): Stack the blocks!  
RICHARD: I'm stacking!  
CAT (hitting the pile): Whack the blocks!  
RICHARD: I'm whacking!  
CAT (hitting the pile too hard; blocks fly through the air): Um, lose track of the blocks!  
RICHARD: Oops.  
PEG: Oh, no! Our blocks are gone! We can't play Stack and Whack the Blocks without blocks! We've got a Big Problem!

[trumpets play ominous fanfare]  
[whooshing noise as TARDIS appears]

PEG: Hey, what's that big blue box over there?  
CAT: Huh. That box wasn't there before.  
RICHARD: Maybe our blocks fell into that big blue box!  
PEG: Maybe they did! Let's go look.

[they walk up to the TARDIS]  
[CAT tries to open the door]

CAT: No good. It's locked.  
PEG: Well, our blocks probably aren't in there, then. We'll have to keep looking.  
RICHARD: Awww! I wanted to see inside.

[Richard snaps his fingers; the doors open.]

CAT: Whoa.  
PEG: It's....  
RICHARD: ...bigger...  
CAT: ...on the inside!  
PEG: And there's our blocks!

[She runs forward, but before she can pick up the blocks, the Eleventh Doctor emerges from under the console. He drops the sonic screwdriver as he stands; it rolls under the console.]

DOCTOR: What are you doing in here?  
PEG: I'm Peg, this is Cat, and this is Richard; we came in to pick up our blocks. What are _you_ doing in here?  
DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor! I live here! This is my spaceship. Well, space-timeship. Well, time-and-relative-dimensions-in-spaceship.  
CAT: No way!  
DOCTOR: Yes way. Anyway! [He herds them out of the TARDIS.] Thanks for your visit, sorry you can't stay, things to do and universe to save....  
RICHARD: (gasps) Is the universe in danger?  
DOCTOR: Always. That's why I travel in space and time, to see amazing things and to save the universe. In this particular case, the timeline shows signs of a great disaster here, and I need to prevent it. 

[Ludwig van Beethoven walks across the screen; he pauses by the Doctor.]  
LUDWIG: Didn't I meet you at a café in Vienna in 1803?  
DOCTOR: 180 **3**? No. At least, not yet.  
LUDWIG: Oh. Never mind — spoilers! [He walks away.]  
DOCTOR: Piece of advice: don't ever try to beat him at arm wrestling. So, any minute now we should find out what caused the great disaster. Oh no! There they are!

[A line of Daleks rolls onscreen, each numbered in order.]

PEG: What _are_ those?  
DOCTOR: Those are the Daleks.  
CAT: Doll X?  
DOCTOR: No, Daleks. The scourge of the universe, destroyers of worlds, and my greatest enemy! If they see us, we'll hear their battle cry —  
DALEKS: ENUMERATE! ENUMERATE! ONE! TWO! THREE!  
DOCTOR: Huh. That's not what I expected.  
PEG: _These_ are the scourge of the universe?  
#1 DALEK: No, you are thinking of the Daleks made by Davros. _We_ are Daleks made by Erdös, and we study number lines! ENUMERATE!  
DOCTOR: Well, that's not so bad....  
#1 DALEK: And we make all numbers rational!  
DOCTOR: That's bad.  
PEG: Why is that bad?  
DOCTOR: Because without irrational numbers, the universe would collapse.  
PEG: Oh no! We have a really big problem!

[ominous trumpet fanfare]

CAT: Wait. What are irrational numbers?  
PEG: Oh, that's easy. Irrational numbers are numbers that can't be written as a fraction.  
DOCTOR: More specifically, numbers that can't be written as the ratio of two integers.  
CAT: Er, Doctor? This show is aimed at kids between three and five years old. Fractions are a stretch for them as it is; they don't know what integers are.  
DOCTOR: Oh. Right. Sorry.  
PEG: Anyway, many important numbers are irrational numbers! Like the relationship between a circle's diameter —  
CAT: That's the distance across.  
PEG: — and its circumference.  
RICHARD: That's the distance around the outside.  
PEG: Or the number that you multiply by itself to get two. Or lots of other numbers that I won't learn about until I'm a teen.  
CAT: I can't wait!  
PEG: So like the Doctor said....  
DOCTOR: Without irrational numbers, the universe would collapse. Fortunately, I can solve this problem!  
CAT: Huh, Peg and I aren't going to solve it this time?  
DOCTOR: All I need is.... [He pats his pockets.] Wait. What happened to my sonic screwdriver?  
PEG: Sonic screwdriver?  
RICHARD: It fell under your control console.  
DOCTOR: Thanks — huh, how did you know it was a sonic? Oh, silly question, you're from the Purple Planet. Everyone has one there.  
RICHARD: Yeah, my mom and dad let me use theirs, and I'm going to be old enough for my very own on my next birthday!  
DOCTOR: So as soon as I retrieve my sonic screwdriver, I'll...it's too hard to explain; basically I'll point it at the Daleks, foil their plan, and save the irrational numbers.  
RICHARD: Great! I'll go get it for you!  
DOCTOR: No, don't do —

[Richard bounces back into the TARDIS, bumping a lever as he dives under the console. The doors close.]

DOCTOR: Oh no! No no no no no no!

[The TARDIS whooshes and disappears.]

PEG: Oh no! Where's the big blue box?  
CAT: Where's Richard?  
DOCTOR: Where's my sonic screwdriver?  
DALEKS: ENUMERATE!  
PEG: What are we going to do?  
DOCTOR: We can't do anything! If I had my TARDIS —  
CAT: Your what?  
DOCTOR: [sighs] If I had my big blue box, we could get the sonic screwdriver and stop the Daleks. But I don't, so I can't.  
#1 DALEK: All irrational numbers will be terminated into rational numbers! TERMINATE!  
DALEKS: TERMINATE! TERMINATE! TERMINATE!

[The line of Daleks advances.]

PEG: Wait. Didn't you say your ship travels in time?  
DOCTOR: Yes.  
CAT: Oh! Then you could travel in time and keep this from ever happening?  
DOCTOR: Ehhhh, sort of. Not exactly. It's complicated.  
PEG: So if we could travel in time we could solve this problem, but we can't do it right now because the big blue box is gone and we can't get it back. But what if we already travelled in time? Er, are going to have travelled in time? Er....  
DOCTOR: Not my fault that English doesn't have a semi-past futuristic predictive subjunctive! [pauses] Oh, wait, it is. Coleridge should've left a note on his door if he didn't want people to knock.  
PEG: Anyway. You're the Doctor! You travel in time! So what if in your future, you travelled to my past and gave me your screwdriver? And then I could give it to you now!  
DOCTOR: Doesn't work that way. If I'd done it, you'd already have it.  
CAT: And if he gave you the screwdriver, then you'd give it back to him, and he'd go back in time and give it back to you, and it'd never get to be the screwdriver he left under the console...ooooh, I have a headache.  
DALEKS: ENUMERATE! TERMINATE! INTEGRATE! DIFFERENTIATE! CO-ORDINATE! BIVARIATE! LEMNISCATE!  
PEG: Oh no! The Daleks are going to break the number line, the Doctor can't retrieve the big blue box, Richard is stuck in the past —  
CAT: Or the future!  
PEG: — or the future, and my blocks are gone! I am totally freaking out!

[CAT gives the Time-Out signal and whistle]

PEG: Cat's right. I need to count to three three times to calm down. One, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three.

[CAT walks around in a loop]

PEG: That's it! The Doctor can leave us his screwdriver if we make the right time loop!  
DOCTOR: I told you, if I'd done it, you'd have it.  
PEG: But what if in the future, you took the screwdriver from where it'd rolled away, and you went back in time, and you put it...under my hat!  
DOCTOR: [starts to speak, halts, looks thoughtful] Have you, in fact, taken off your hat since we met?  
PEG: Nope!  
CAT: She never takes that thing off.  
DOCTOR: Then the timeline isn't locked yet. [growing excitement] It's still possible! Yes! Margaret, take off your hat!

[PEG takes off the hat. Next to her favorite marble is the sonic screwdriver.]

DOCTOR: Yes!  
PEG: Hurrah!  
CAT: Huzzah!  
DOCTOR: You are amazing!  
CAT: We _are_ pretty impressive.

[The Doctor grabs the sonic and pushes the button. The Daleks begin to spin.]

#1 DALEK: We are being irrationalized! Quick! We must return to the Erdös Space! 

[As the Daleks disappear, the TARDIS wheezes back into view. Richard pops out of the doors, holding the blocks.]

RICHARD: You won't believe where I've been! It was great! This curly-haired woman was teaching me archaeology! And she says she's going to meet me again when I'm all grown up!

[The Doctor looks like he's about to speak, then decides not to.]

PEG: Yay! The big blue box is back, Richard is back, the Daleks are gone, the universe is saved, and we have our blocks again! And so....

[all sing the "Problem Solved" song]  
[scene switches to Peg and Cat under the tree]

PEG: That was a great adventure. But you know what's weird? Ramone never showed up.  
CAT: Yeah, usually he does something important that helps us solve the problem.

[The TARDIS appears in the background. A figure in a blue hooded cloak runs into it, then steps out briefly and brandishes the sonic, pulling back the hood to reveal that they're Ramone. Ramone waves, then goes back into the TARDIS and closes the door.]

CAT: Huh, do you hear something?  
[TARDIS wheezes and disappears]  
PEG: It's probably just the wind.  
CAT: Yeah, probably.  
[Both sigh contentedly.]


End file.
